January 21st, 2018

Using "Legalese" doesn't make you a competent writer

Proofreading

 Revision:
Original sentence:

He serves as Corporate Secretary of the Company since November 24, 2011 and re-appointed for the next period of 5 (five) years pursuant to the Resolution of Board of Directors, dated November 14, 2016.

Corrected sentence:
> He has served as the Corporate Secretary of the Company since November 24, 2011 and has been reappointed for the next 5 (five) years period pursuant to the Resolution of Board of Directors, dated November 14, 2016.

Revised sentence:
> Serving as the Corporate Secretary of the Company since November 24, 2011, Sudin S.H has been reappointed on November 14, 2016 for the next five-year period in accordance with the Resolution of Board of Directors

Note: fixing tenses, restructuring the whole sentence, in accordance with = pursuant to (optional), dated is removed.

Original sentence:
Currently he did not has any double position in other Public Company.

Corrected sentence:
Presently, aside from the position of Corporate Secretary and Head of Legal Department of Sinarmas Mining, he doesn't assume any other responsibility.

Revised sentence:
Currently he did not has any double position in other Public Company.
[ none ]

Note: This sentence makes people think that he IS taking double job/position in other public company, thus it is MUCH better to eliminate this sentence altogether.

Original sentence:
At present, he also serves as the Head of Legal Department of Sinarmas Mining (2007-present).

Corrected sentence:
Additionally,  he has been serving as the Head of Legal Department of Sinarmas Mining from 2007 until present as well.

Original sentence:
He has graduated from the Faculty of Law, Universitas Indonesia in 1995 and Post-Graduate Program of Universitas Pelita Harapan in 2005.

Corrected sentence:
He graduated from the Faculty of Law, Universitas Indonesia in 1995 and Master Program of Universitas Pelita Harapan in 2005.

Question: What Faculty and major did he graduate from? (need additional information).

Original sentence:
He participated in the capital market workshop How to Develop An Excellent Annual Report on October 29, 2014 that organized by Bostonprice Asia.

Corrected sentence:
He participated in the capital market workshop "How to Develop An Excellent Annual Report" on October 29, 2014 organized by Bostonprice Asia.